I Am Reminded

I was really disliking my dentist with a pretty intense passion yesterday afternoon.  I was in her chair for 2 and a half hours for what I thought were going to be a couple of simple little fillings. 

She had to shoot me up about 15 times with that big scary metal needle contraption before I got completely numb and then drilled and prodded in my mouth for what seemed like an eternity while she informed me for the gazillionith time that my itty bitty mouth is difficult to work on.   

Ohhh, Some Beach!.....Somewhere!!!

Seriously? My mouth is that small?!  Maybe I need to see if the boys' pediatric dentist will take me on as  a patient.  At least I would get a prize before I wrote out a big fat check for being tortured!

Okay, enough of that.   

Have I mentioned how much I like that American Idol contestant, Crystal Bowersox, and how I've been dying for her do some Janis Joplin?   Well...Yay! She finally did and it was awesome or as the boys would say....BEASTIN! 

I also think I now know what was wrong with her a few weeks ago when she was sick and almost couldn't perform.  There was a little article in the People I was checking out while waiting on my mouth to get numb for the 100th time at the dentist yesterday that said she's had diabetes since she was 6 but that she is feeling good right now. 

I missed a few of the performances last night because ABC and FOX have some sort of conspiracy against me to play commercials at the same time.  How am I supposed to watch two shows on two different networks  at the same time if they can't work together on commercial breaks? 

I really need to check into Tivo.

Just so it doesn't seem as though I have split personality disorder, I should tell you that I began writing this post before I went to the gym this morning and now I've returned to finish with a different mindset. 

When I pulled into the driveway, I was hit with a wave of grief for my Dixe Dog so I went down to visit her little grave which then reminded me that I needed to go through all my old books about grief and young widowhood so that I can advise the young lady who lost her husband 3 weeks ago which ones are best.

While looking through the books, I found my journal from 2004 which I could not resist scanning through.  Wow! I have to say, it did bring tears to my eyes but it was almost as if the tears were for someone else.  That stuff was tough to read.  I forget sometimes how far I have come in the past six years. 

You would think that someone who's been through something so tragic would know exactly what to say to someone else who is going through it but I don't.  I found it difficult to find the right words to say to the newly widowed lady when I spoke with her last week. 

While reading my old journal, I noticed that some days I was very hopeful and almost at peace while most days I was extremely sad and then others where I was filled with anger and rage. 

There was one particular page where I had scribbled some things down without even dating it but it seemed to be sometime in the middle of May which would have made it about 4 and half months after the accident.  It is about things to say/do or not to say/do to someone experiencing intense grief. 

I actually found it helpful myself and I thought I would share it here since I think most everyone always feels a little uneasy about what they should do or say in these situations:

 ~Don't ask me how I am.  How would you be?

~Don't tell me to call any time.  Why can't you call me?

~Don't tell me I'm going to be okay. You don't know that for sure.

~Don't look at me with pity.  Do you think it can't happen to you?

~Don't ask, "Is there anything I can do?" Just do.

~Don't tell me he's in a better place...

 Do you think I don't know this?

~Don't say , "I just can't imagine".  Don't even try.

So after reading this, you're probably thinking, well what the heck can I do for someone in this situation then?!

I found by reading the journal that I seemed to be having my best moments when I had just spent the day with some friends or family members, whether they came to visit or we went to lunch or shopping or anything....just being with people who cared about me was the best therapy.

Also, little unexpected things to let me know someone was still thinking of us and praying for us.  Dev was in preschool at the time and one of the teachers there, who is just one of the kindest hearted, sincerely warm and caring individuals I have ever had the pleasure of crossing paths with, Mrs. Christine, sent us cards in the mail for probably a year, just to let us know she was thinking of us and praying for us. 

They always seemed to come at just the right time and I still have every single one of them.  Most of us think to send out a card right away when someone loses someone but we don't think about doing it as the times passes by but, believe me, they are still needed and so, so appreciated. 

I hope this was helpful for some of you to read.  It was for me, for though we don't forget the person or the pain we felt, sometimes the passage of time has a way of forgetting some of those important little details that we need to be reminded of in order to pay forward the kindness... 

I hope you all have a great day and thanks for being still a minute to read my thoughts.  I enjoy sharing them with you.