Friday night Charlie decided he'd surprise the boys by making a fire in the fire pit out back. So he snuck off on a marshmallow and wiener run while I tried to play it off and keep it on the down low from the Dracenator, who was certain something was up.
When C got back and we started looking for matches, the boy was so ecstatic I thought he'd explode.
There is absolutely nothing in this world that can excite a 7 year old boy like the mere assumption that somebody may possibly be about to strike a match in your presence.
For something. Anything.
"Are we gonna light some candles? Cause I can help! I can do that, Mom!"
No, Dray, we aren't lighting any candles.
"I think I may know where some are! Did you check in that turtle? Where's your turtle, Mom?"
No, Dray, already checked and there weren't any there.
Just to clarify, this is not a real turtle. It's a little metal turtle whose shell opens up and about the only thing that would fit in there would be a small pack of matches. It's older than dirt.
C had some sort of spark flying contraption that they ended up using to start the fire with. Apparently, we are not matches kind of people since I never located a single pack of matches anywhere in this house.
Dev finally decided to break himself free from the computer and phone when he heard that there was an open flame in the backyard.
I had forgotten how stressful it is to be a Mom
With Boys.
Around an open fire.
There seems to be lacking, somewhere in their DNA, that one little something that gives them a good, healthy respect for fire.
I think I must have said, "You're getting too close! You're going to catch on fire! Don't Fall In! Be CAREFUL! " at least a hundred and fifty times. At LEAST!
Just call me Buzz Kill. That's me, right here. Mrs.Buzz.Kill
Then there were the Darling wiener dogs who kept trying to run off with the pack of wieners. And then they got started on wiener jokes...
"My wiener is burnt! He He heee!"
"His wiener fell in the fire!
"Your wiener is SIZZLING!" BA Ha Ha HAAA!!!"
Those of you who have boys, or who have spent much time around them at all, know how much they find peeing outside irresistible. They LOVE it.
It's like some sort of rite of passage thing to them that they never, EVER outgrow! I knew this. Have been a mom of boys for 11 years and I had brothers so I have known this for quite a long time now.
What I did not know, however, is how much more they adore peeing on a fire.
I mentioned that it was getting about time to go back inside when C opened his mouth and spoke and the two of them looked at him as if he were God himself speaking.
He told them that before we went in, they could pee on the fire.
"Really?! " they asked. "You mean, REALLY?!"
They both lit up like Cheshire Cats on Christmas morning. I had never seen anything quite like it.
I was a little bewildered that he would suggest such a thing and he tells me that he and his buddies used to always pee on their campfires before they left.
Then he, clearly without thinking, looks at me and says,
Have you never peed on a fire?
He realized the obsurdity of this question before I could mutter any coherent words out of my mouth, laughs and says,
Oh yeah. I guess not.
He explained to me that it smells really awesome. in a bad way.
So I left.
And they peed on the fire.
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