Good News and Bad News...

A few weeks ago I was draining the bath tub when I heard what sounded like the toilet bubbling.  I blew it off until it happened again about a week later.  Charlie snaked out that toilet (gag) and put some Rid-X in all the toilets in the house and for several days there were no bubbling toilets to be heard.  


Until last Friday when I was sitting here in the living room feeding my addiction  blogging when I heard bulurp...bulurp...bulurp coming from the hall bathroom. And since I was the only person here the hairs kinda stood up on the back of my neck... 


What.in.the.h.e.double.hockey.sticks.was.that?!  I popped my head in there and sure enough, that toilet was bubbling again and then it hit me...the washer is running.  Okay, wait. I'm no plumber but that washer is nowhere near that toilet. So this? Cannot be good.  I wasted no time calling Houston to inform them we have a problem emailing Charlie at work with the subject line "toilet" and what I had to tell him got his full on attention.  


We've been living in this house, that was built in 1997, for almost 18 months now and had no idea when, if ever, the septic tank had been pumped.  I know, just the thought of it makes your stomach turn doesn't it?  Well, the thought of having it back up into my house was almost enough to make me want to run screaming for the hills.  


So Saturday morning Charlie suited and gloved up and went to open up the cleanout drain (or whatever) outside.  He concluded that while there was no visible poop in the pipe, Houston did indeed have a problem because water was seriously backing up after running the sink for several minutes.    


We are only the second owners of this fine establishment and the nice lady we bought it from and her husband (who had passed away about a year and a half before) actually built the house...or had it built.  I thought it a bit odd when we were told the septic tank was in the front yard but okay, whatever.


The septic tank guy shows up at the house Monday morning. And thank God Charlie stayed here to meet him because they could not locate the septic tank ANYWHERE.  "How does this even happen?" I wanted to know, and "Is this a common thing?  To not be able to find the flippin' septic tank?!"  The answer Charlie was given from Mr. Septic Tank was that it does happen and he has seen people do some crazy sheit, like pour sidewalks or build decks over them.  


Then he left (probably because he didn't really feel up to pumping out a stinkin' septic tank today anyway) and Charlie set out on a quest to locate our missing septic tank. When I returned from pilates he had requested and received the original permit from the county which told us it was under the freakin' sticker bushes.  Super.  


He also informed me that he had poked around there with his long  rod until he hit something hard. And no, I could not keep a straight face and neither could he after he realized what had just come out of his mouth.  


So...yesterday afternoon the friendly septic tank guy showed back up and I left Charlie to handle the situation because I don't deal well with anything involving poop  I had to pick up kids from school and get groceries.  When I returned he was gone, along with our light pole and a giant shrub which was not actually gone because it was lying in the front yard.  And there stood Charlie watering down the sidewalk and pointing to the huge red dirt spot where the light pole and the shrub used to be.


Turns out the tank was not put exactly where the permit said it was and that hard thing Charlie hit with his rod was only the pipe because the septic tank that had never been pumped before?  Was directly underneath the light pole which is now lying on the front porch...


But at least the toilet's not bubbling.