What Women Don't Want for Valentine's Day

Every year on Valentine's Day, my mind always wanders back to my florist days. February 14th is not an enjoyable day for a florist... Do you think we ordered enough roses? Too many? What if we don't sell them all?  Will we ever be able to get all these orders filled?...Have we recruited enough help?


The worst part though was dealing with the difficult customer or even worse, ungrateful recipient. We once had a woman (and I use that word loosely) actually call us in the middle of our insanely busy Valentine's Day and give us hell down the road simply because she did not want flowers..."I told him I wanted jewelry! I don't want these no good stinkin' flowers and you need to come back and pick them up!"   


I kid you not. 

Then of course you had those poor clueless guys who, despite their good intentions, just really had no idea what women want and would point to a heart-shaped funeral piece hanging on the wall and tell us that was exactly what he was looking for and that he wanted it sent to his girlfriend at work, complete with the stand and balloons attached and just did not seem to grasp the explanation that it was indeed intended for a funeral.


I don't know what all women want for Valentine's Day but I do know that all women don't want a funeral flower delivered to their place of employment, or any other place for that matter.  


And here are a few other things I'm pretty sure all women don't want on this celebration of love and hearts day...


A household appliance. Unless it has a piece of jewelry or a salon/spa gift certificate attached then you are not going to get the result you were aiming for here, guys.  Even if she tells you she wants it, do not, and I repeat, do NOT give it to her for Valentine's Day.


Lingerie. Because we are all well aware that this is a gift for you and not for her.  Buy her something she will actually enjoy wearing instead, like a pair of satin pajamas.  


An apron.

A pet. Unless it is a wiener dog (or maybe that only applies to me), don't do it. For your sake, her sake and the animal's sake!


A mix tape of bad love songs. Which I guess today would probably be a mix USB stick but still, don't do it. Especially if you include songs like Sting's I'll Be Watching You.  I've been given two "mix tapes" in my life and both times I broke the relationship off shortly after because I was completely creeped out. So unless you are still in middle school, I would not recommend going there.


Bathroom Scales.  I don't care how many times you've heard her say, "These damn scales are broken!"  Trust me fully on this one.  


A card like this...

Because doing so could result in the need for a funeral wreath after all.  


Happy Heart Day! :)