The one in which I went to cookie heaven

I don't know what possessed me to do it since I can't keep up with all the shows I'm trying to watch on t.v. right now but, as if I didn't have a million constructive things to do around here, I went on Netflix and started watching Downton Abbey. 

And who knew it was "Downton" and not "Downtown"?  For some odd reason, my brain chose to ignore the fact that the 'w' was missing every single time I saw it written.  I kept trying to figure out what they were saying, what with the thick accents and all. It finally hit me that they were saying "Down-ton." 

Ohhh...Who knew?  Probably everyone but me.  Either way, I am now hooked. Like I needed another time suck in my life.  

Speaking of time sucks, I subscribe to Oprah's newsletter because duh, it's Oprah, and I got this email from her yesterday telling me how time sucks are good for me so I clicked right over there to get my validation fix only to realize that the email had actually said, Time Sucks That Are Actually Good For You. 

You see, just like the missing 'w' my brain chose to ignore in Dowton Abbey, it also chose to ignore the fact that there was indeed a 'that' in this email subject.  My, how one little word can make all the difference.  

I read it anyway and much to my disappointment, my time sucks are all just that...time sucks.  Because in the very first one about playing with Slinkies, it also mentioned things like Pinterest and I zeroed right in on that word because duh, it's Pinterest.  

But then my buzz was killed when it went on to say that if you are procrastinating other things that really need doing, then you just need to knock it off and focus.  Pfft...Pulease! As if I didn't know that. 

I clicked through until I got to the one about collecting striped shirts because I do seem to have some odd infatuation with those lately but then it just got weird when they called it a "French new wave preoccupation" and told me to learn French instead.  

Come again?  Who writes this stuff?!  I wonder if I could get Oprah to hire me to write articles for her instead.  I think I'll make that my new goal.  Aim big, right?

Moving on...

I took Dracen to the grocery store with me on Tuesday afternoon and as we were pondering his school snack option on the snack aisle, I spotted a bag of Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Cheesecake Cookies.  

And let me tell you, it took all the restraint I had in my body not to go all Cookie Monster right there in the middle of the Food Lion. It was like this cookie was made for me.  Kinda like when you first lay eyes on your soul mate, you know?  

It was that kind of magic.

I tried desperately to downplay my excitement then turned to Dracen and said, "Look Dray, pumpkin cheesecake cookies.  Bet these would be good for your lunch dessert."  

He shrugged and focused his sights on little snack-sized cartons of Goldfish.  But I didn't give up that easily. Oh no. "But...but...I'll bet these are really, really good and they're limited edition."  And on that he was sold.  In the buggy they went.  

This is the way all the snacks get into my house.  For the children. 

Before all the groceries were even out of the car, my hand was in the Pepperidge Farm bag. 

Y'all.  

There are no words. I am convinced that if heaven has cookies, these are it!  I think I heard a choir of angels singing.  

When Devin got home from school, I couldn't contain my excitement as I thrust the bag in his face and said, "Here, my child. You must try this at once!"  

He looked at me as if I had completely derailed but took a bite, nonetheless.  I watched, my mouth drooling, and waited patiently for him to begin thanking me profusely for rewarding him with a privilege such as this. 

But it never happened.  

He took another bite, then another, then said, "Eh, it's alright." 

I was crushed.  "You mean, you don't like it? Well, for all that is holy, child!  How can you be mine?! Do NOT throw it away.  Put it back in the bag and step way at once."  

I replayed this scene when Charlie got home, hoping surely someone else would share in my new found cookie joy.  "Eh, it's okay.  I mean, it's good but I'm not crazy for it."  Good?  It's 'GOOD'?!  

I spent the rest of the night and all of the next day conjuring up the willpower gods to keep me from inhaling the entire rest of the bag.  But I didn't need to worry because at some point Dracen put his hand in there and it was over.  

Finally! Somebody gets it, I thought. 

But what I said was, "Who ate all the cookies?!" 

So he went into hiding...