Ways I've Changed and Ways I Haven't

Everyone was well enough to take our beach trip over the four day weekend though Charlie, the final victim, woke up with it yesterday morning and had to ride the entire five hours home feeling like death warmed over.  I've officially tagged it the virus from hell and sincerely wish it would pack up its nasty mojo and leave this place for good. 

The beach weather, however, was glorious, Brisco Darling discovered a new found love in chasing seagulls up and down the beach, Lucky discovered yet another fear (of the waves) and Dracen caught more than he bargained for while fishing off the pier.

But more on the trip tomorrow.  Today is Monday and although it's dark, dreary and raining here at my house this morning, the Monday Listicles show must go on.  This week Stasha has suggested we make a list of ways in which we are different from or the same as our younger selves...

1. I feel much less invincible.  When I was younger, I rarely considered my own mortality. But as I've gotten older, and even more so after becoming a mother, and then experiencing such a profound tragic loss, I probably obsess about it a little too much.  And not just my own but everyone else's whom I love.  It isn't so much that I fear my own death; it's more of a worry for how those I'd leave behind would fair.   

Which brings me to number two...

2. I am a serious worry wart. My worries may have changed a bit over the years but I am 100 percent convinced that I was just born to worry. Me and Worry go way back.  

3. I'm still drawn to animals. I really think this is just something that is always within some of us.  I am, and have forever been, an animal person and truly feel happier when I am around them. They bring out the best in me. 

4. I'm less concerned with the fun everyone else is surely having without me.  Okay, so I still get a little green when I see someones vacation  pics on facebook as they sip umbrella drinks outside their tiki hut in Bora Bora, but for the most part, I have let go of this one.  In my younger days I remember always feeling like I was going to miss out on something if I didn't have big plans for the weekend and an upcoming adventure trip on the horizon. Now I'm perfectly content to spend my weekends cozied up on the couch, pinning recipes and inspirational quotes to my virtual boards while sporting my sexy house socks and sweatpants.

Source

5. I still love shoes.  Call me shallow if you must but I don't see this one changing.  Ever.

6. I am less judgmental.  I was much more quick to judge when I was younger.  Now when I feel myself about to get all judgy, I try to stop myself and remember that I too have made, and still make, my fair share of mistakes in this world. And if Jesus taught us anything it was to, above all else, love one another. With no judgments. 

7. Exercise still completes me. I was, for the most part, pretty active as a child and began working out with my Jane Fonda book before joining my first gym when I was 17.  I have taken brief hiatuses here and there throughout the years but never for very long.  I just don't feel right if I'm not doing something to keep in shape. When I was a kid it was trampoline jumping, riding my bike and swinging from the monkey bars...when I was 20 it was weightlifting...when I was 30 it was step aerobics...today it's yoga, pilates and zumba.  Maybe when I'm 80 it will simply be walking two times around the house but I hope it will always be something.  

8. Drinking is not as much fun. I've always been an introvert and discovered (when I was *almost* old enough to drink) that a drink or two (or five) really helped with the social anxiety and brought me out of my shell. Did you ever see that 80's movie, Blind Date, with Bruce Willis and Kim Bassinger?  Well, Kim's character in  that movie could have been based on me.   Now?  I drink two glasses of wine and I'm nodding off at the table.  Pass me a latte. 

9. I LOVE coffee now. I always loved the smell of it but could not stand the taste of it, right on up until I was in my late twenties.  The office I was working in had really good coffee and fancy creamers so I gave it another try and became a big fan. Then I got pregnant and never took it up again until about five years later, after baby number two was several months old.  Grief on top of single parenting a four year old and a baby who fought sleep with an undying passion brought Coffee and me back together. That was nine years ago and we've been on a first name basis ever since. 

10. Simple things make my world go round. I'm tempted to say that this happened with motherhood, age and maturity but I think that really, it has always been true.  For all of us probably, if we really stop and think, all the way back to our childhoods, and recall the most memorable things that have brought us the most joy, contentment and happiness throughout our lives. I never recall a new pair of pumps or boots or even that red Mustang I drove in my twenties.   It's always moments... Always.