I knew it would happen eventually

Well, yesterday afternoon it finally happened.  I completely lost my mind.  Or at least temporarily. I caught myself blaming the contact lens company for making faulty lenses and then selling them to unsuspecting victims such as myself... 

But you see, Dracen has been sick with strep throat since the weekend so I've been serving as his nursemaid and personal assistant pretty much around the clock because when Dracen gets sick, the whole world ought to well enough stop and take notice.  At least in his nine year old mind. 

So after two days of around the clock servitude and a Sunday morning/afternoon spent waiting in an urgent care exam room where I started to feel like we'd been forgotten and left to die, I guess I was a little bit out of sorts when I went to make myself presentable late yesterday afternoon in order to go to the Lowe's and Wal-mart on a reindeer run. 

Because in addition to all that waiting and serving, I somehow managed to get the Christmas decorations up over the weekend but the light up reindeer have died and I am desperately wanting some wreaths to go in all the windows so when Charlie walked through the door a little early yesterday, I saw my opportunity for a brief escape. 

Now here's a little truth about myself.  When I am at home and not expecting company, I am all about the comfort which usually translates to sweatpants, old t-shirt, no makeup, unruly hair and glasses. So the first thing I did was head to the back to upgrade to jeans, run the flat iron through my hair real quick, apply a little makeup and put my contacts in.  

I put the first one in and went for the second but realized everything was all fuzzy in one eye.  Huh?  Did I miss my eye?  Because sometimes these things happen. So I looked around on the bathroom counter and on the floor but saw nothing.  So I took it out and put another one in.  

What tha?  Why is everything so blurry?!  I tried the other eye with a new lens.  Still couldn't see right so I checked the prescription on the packet to make sure I wasn't given the wrong thing.  Nope, it says the right thing but these bozos have clearly made a mistake in packaging because I CAN'T SEE!  I'm fixin' to lose my mind!  These things are not cheap! This should not be happening!  

I had now gone through about four different lenses and was completely baffled as to the nature of the problem when it hit me like a ton of lead bricks. I.was.already.wearing.a.pair.of.contacts. Yes, I was.  Because after wearing the glasses all weekend that little spot where they rest behind my ears was getting tired so I had put a pair in that morning.  

I told Charlie what I had done and he said, "But didn't you realize you could ALREADY see before you tried to put some more in?" And I didn't even have a good answer for that.  All I could do was shrug my shoulders and say, "I-I-I don't know!"  I'm surprised he didn't ask if I'd been drinking or if I needed to lie down. 

Oh, and the reindeer and wreath pickins were slim to none so the only thing I came home with was Dracen's McDonald's order that he took a few bites of before saying it burned his throat and he'd really just like a banana sandwich.

And then Devin finally presented me with his Christmas list entitled, Dis Homie's List...

Source

If you find it, please return it to me at once.

Sincerely,